Here Comes the Sun

I wash my hands and gaze at my painted nails, and I realize that I “feel” those 13 additional minutes of sunlight gained in January (in length of day). Nail polish makes my nails feel smothered, but I like its  decorative nature, and it’s there to be functional - my already paper thin nails are at their weakest this time of year, peeling and cracking, with not much nail substance there to break off in the first place.

Seasonal affect is a thing.

Why do people want to medicate it away?

Wouldn’t it be better to roll with it, let Mother Nature direct us to reflect on our actions, sit with our thoughts and feelings, and make plans for the more active times of year?

Rest days are important. Rest times are important.

Around here, they talk about people surviving blizzards by hiding in haystacks. I’m thinking evolution will select for those with SAD, because they naturally don’t go out into the dangerous winter weather.

I am not knocking those with SAD who do compensate with medication - heck, I have to work year round, and use daylight electric light to help reduce my natural need for more sleep in winter. But I am more inclined to be in sync with nature, wake with the sun, be active on mild days and stay still on those that are not. Which reminds me, staying still is a skill. Good one to learn.

We’ll gain more than an hour of daylight in February, and in my experience, people become much more active throughout this month. My mother would have described the human behavior as “It’s spring and the sap is rising!” especially when it calls attention to itself.

My sap is rising, and I have the lovely distractions this month of rabbit, rabbit (first day), play reading invitation (today), congregational celebration and SIL birthday and lunar new year (next weekend), Mardi Gras, Valentines Day, and game night (two weekends away), and DH’s birthday to which I can direct my energies. Whew! More activity than I think I want or need, but I’ll take it a day at a time and do what I can.

Even as I wrote this blog, I walked the dog, cooked breakfast, and took out the trash.

Yep.

My sap is rising.

The Secret Step Tracker

Confession time: I bought DH a step tracker, but I never thought he'd use it.

And after he started using it, I realized I wanted one. I think I unconsciously thought I would end up using it, since I was sure he wouldn't. After he began to report his numbers, and I realized this, I ordered an identical one for myself.

It's simple. No connecting to a smart phone. Cheap. Charges in a USB port. Resets itself to zero each day. Eliminates my waffling about returning to wearing a wristwatch; this tells the time, too. Works for me!

But, I don't want to hurt his feelings. I can easily get twice his steps, at least on at home days (I haven't had mine very long).

This all started with his December surgery, hospitalization, and re-hospitalization for five days with post surgical complications. I told him I wanted proof he was getting better, since the last time they discharged him, he got worse. He surprised me by starting to use the tracker - I had put his pre-sets in, height, weight, stride length, age, date, time, because he has no patience for anything frustrating. Some days, he asks me to help get the tracker onto his wrist. And for help zipping his coat, since there's a bend in the fabric that he has trouble navigating.  Lort, I'm not fond of this aging process. Is it age, or just his temperament?

But I digress. So I figure I'm feeling a lot like DD did when she got her first tattoo, waiting for us to notice, and we hadn't for a while, so she made a point of making us notice. I've been wearing long sleeves over my tracker, but I do reference it, and he might have noticed, but he hasn't said anything. I'm glad I'm writing this. It helps me process and now I think I'll have a better answer for him if and when he says something. Mostly, I don't want to share my step number, for fear of disheartening him or generating some sort of competition I do not want to have.

A dear friend inquired about DH, and with recent good blood test results mentioned he should be fine as long as he eats right and exercises. Yeah, right. Part of the tracker idea was to get him off his behind, because he spends most of his retirement day surfing his laptop and watching TV.  His only activity was walking the dog, and now that the snowstorm has coated outdoor surfaces, that will be drastically reduced. Sigh. Can't live another person's life for them.

My goal is to make sure I get at least 3000 steps each work day. I remember in the era of fitbit dots, some days were a struggle to get to 3 dots. So, in my often sedentary job, I aim to be more conscious of getting minimal movement. Keeping the focus on myself, and taking it one day at a time.

Why I’m Laughing

 The mug was very kind. Here’s my reality:

Hello, world. Lololololol

This is 3 months grown out, combed out, spiral perm of very little hair overall (I can’t stand wigs), naturally turning gray.

For comparison, the mug:

Okay, more than kind, the mug is actually flattering! But the contrast with reality still has me smiling, ensconced in the warmth of happy sibling memories. Thank you, Barb!

Feedback

The scale told me yesterday that I was doing the right things.

Last night I got us a drive through dinner. Yesterday I had a vending machine item. We’ll see what the scale says today.

This morning I am too tired to pedal. I will walk later, before and after work.

And focus on drinking water. 

Grateful for: experience. With a cyclical job, it helps to remember what-happens-when, and who does what work, to try to get our little corner tended and running smoothly.

Looking forward to: Wednesday sister walk! 

Revisions

Yep, I did not want to walk in the heat. I chose to walk before work and on break and got over a mile, I’ll take it.  I’ll try to do the same today.

Breakfast and lunch went well. I came home hungry and ate willy nilly. The scale will provide me with feedback and I can revise from there.

Yesterday I noticed how much water I drank in the morning. Must have been thirsty and I didn’t realize it. So, now trying to pay attention to water intake.

The sleep component of the puzzle is going reasonably well, considering the air conditioning sounds tend to wake me. I set my morning alarm later to try to maximize rest. As Elyse Myers pointed out,  Rest is productive. Benji helps me get to bed on time. Love that dog.

Grateful for: Daylight before work.

Looking forward to: a productive work day at a reasonable pace of working. Following the breakfast and lunch eating plan.

Working on: Drinking more water.

Happy Tuesday!

Planning. Maybe just this week.

Okay, tomorrow the next chapter begins. Strings of 5-day work weeks interspersed with life. July 13, “Keep or Toss” class. July 20, DH’s procedure. And a lot of hurry up and wait at work. What needs to be purchased? Has it arrived yet?

I’m going to let go of the walk-before-work, as the daylight is waning again, and the early morning is busy enough. I still have the exercise bike.

I am thinking of walking 1.6 miles each evening, and moving the daily shower to after that. We shall see. I feel like my daily time with DH is so limited already! It often feels like he is just beginning his day when I arrive home from mine. Which can be frustrating if I’m in a mood to relax together. I think the recent mild temperatures may also have lured me into setting this goal. Do I really want to walk in 90 and 100 degree heat? I can take water, and go slowly, and it’s not far from home to do it. One day at a time.

For breakfast, I’m keeping the drive through routine. It started last spring as a cost of doing business, what I needed to get myself to go to work and get through the work day. And so it continues.

For lunch, I’ll continue with the carrots and apples as central fixtures. Also nuts. I have fish or cottage cheese or hard boiled eggs if I need more of a protein. As I age, I seem to need less and less to eat. It’s a matter of not just eating to be sociable, or propelled by fatigue and/or anxiety, or celebratory eating (it’s the weekend!).

Dinner has always been problematic. Do I eat protein to stay awake? Carbs to fall asleep? After a day of work, decision fatigue and willingness to expend more energy and effort are low. I think my main challenges are not to overeat, and not to turn to sugar. For those who do not know, DH and I do not eat the same things nor at the same time. Breakfast together at a restaurant now and then is a real treat - packing up half my meal is a true accomplishment, since I want to eat it all to celebrate the fact we’re having a meal together 😂

I need to remember my notes on my pantry:

putting this out there

“What keeps you up at night?” said the newsman to the guest. The guest didn’t answer it. I suppose the guest was a politician. I answered it. “Wealth inequality,” I said aloud. After all, it is why the Roman Empire fell, right? And as I write this, I’ll add income inequality to it. Ultimately, that is supposed to be the way one acquires wealth, right? By earning income. And the wealth inequality horses are already out of the barn.

DH reminds me regularly of the Harvard Business school students who refused to sign the ethics pledge. I believe they were of my generation. The double-digit inflation of the 70s-80s taught my HS graduating class it was every man for themselves, and that’s how we’ve behaved economically throughout our lives. Remember yuppies? There was a reason for that. Just as we were coming of age to earn our way and pay the bills, we saw rents double and triple, and food and others essentials do the same.

I attribute the lack of ‘in touch’ ethical and knowledgeable public servants and leaders in my generation to those economics. We average Joes and Janes could not afford to serve; we knew we would have to scrap to just keep getting food and shelter. Especially with the elimination of regular minimum wage raises to honor the dignity of working.  Those who were left to serve publicly were-are rich and-or ethically dubious and-or with an agenda (theocracy, anyone?)

Sigh. I feel like I’ve played by the rules my whole life and still not done enough - DH having to retire early with the reduced social security benefit and a finite retirement account, and now with what I perceive to be the kids’ financial jeopardy of buying a house with limited income - the retirement I’d hoped for may be out of reach. So I’ll go to the doctor and try to keep fit and well enough to keep working at my good job, with ‘invisible’ monies (retirement contributions, health care subsidies) dong their part to provide the best future and end of life scenarios I can manage.

Of course there are other reasons my generation lacks leaders. Even as I put this out there, I wonder if I have the fortitude for sustained discussion of it. I know I have the capacity to learn, grow, and change from other perspectives, so I welcome them. But I certainly don’t have the extroversion and energy needed to deal with the constant peopling of leadership! I am grateful for those who have those skills and are using them to benefit the most people possible. May their work bear good fruit for all.